Unhappy Ending
by Meru-desu
Summary: The life of Edward Cullen. Memoirs of his past up until present life. EPOV ---- Chapter 3 is up!
1. Thoughts on Death

_**Title:**__ Unhappy Ending_

_**Pairings: **__The usual (in chapters to come)._

_**Warnings: **__Possible (probable) OOC-ness. Character death (future), possible mature themes (future). I also plan to change my writing style later on. As it is now, it's in a kind of story-telling format from his view, like he was writing an autobiography or memoirs or something. When we catch up to present-day Edward, it will switch to a normal first-person PoV fanfiction.  
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_**Summary:**__ The life of Edward Cullen. Memoirs of his past up until present life.  
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_**A/N:**_This was originally a narrative essay for grade 10 English class. This was written in January. (I had to repeat English 10. ; Shh.) Anyway. I can't remember what the prompt was, but uh. This is what came out of it. ee;

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It was 1918 and I was dying. The influenza epidemic was raging, but I still had so much I wanted to do. The hardest part about dying at such a young age - for I was only seventeen - was coming to terms with the fact that I would not be able to fulfil those goals. I was young and in my prime. I could not die yet! I realize now that though I was afraid, the hardest part about dying was dealing with the struggles I had inside.

I remember it clearly, as if it was only yesterday. My name was Edward Anthony Masen. I was, as I said before, seventeen years olf. My father had already passed away, courtesy of the Spanish influenza. My mother was also ill, she in worse condition than I. I knew I couldn't last long. I was grateful to the doctor, Carlisle Cullen, for staying by my side.

But even with his company, I could not be swayed from my inner turmoil; my battle with regret. I had not done anything to deserve this! I wanted to go to war, then come home a hero! I wanted to be a musician. I wanted to fall in love. I wanted to be married, have children. I wanted to give my mother the life she deserved. I wanted to grow old.

I wanted to _live_.

The hardest part about being on my deathbed and knowing it could be anytime that I passed was knowing I'd never do these things.

I remember once, when Carlisle and Elizabeth, my mother, thought I was sleeping, she begged him to "save me." She seemed to think he had the power to do so. But if he had, wouldn't he have already saved all the others? I remembered wanting to laugh, but my throat was raw. How could he, anyway? He wasn't some miracle-maker. I remember that she passed shortly after that conversation.

I don't remember much after that, but I do remember feeling like my body was on fire. It went on for what seemed like an eternity (though I had no idea what eternity was like back then), and when it stopped, I thought I was dead. But if I was dead, would I still be able to think so clearly?

"Open your eyes, Edward," I heard.

I heard a lot of things. More than just Carlisle's voice. I could hear dust settling around us. I could hear trees rustling, I could hear wind blowing, both as if I was outside with them; both as if they were amplified by large speakers. I later found out I was in a basement.

"It will take a while for you to adjust to your new body," Carlisle said, remorse in his voice. I knew it was remorse. I could hear it in his thoughts. "I'm sorry about your loss. I'm sorry I was selfish enough to do this to you, as well. I was lonely." Though he mumbled the last part, I heard him clear as a bell. What exactly had he done?

I didn't understand.

"I've changed you. You're nor of the race we call, for lack of a better word, 'vampire'."

Back then, I would have never believed him if I had not felt the scorching thirst in the back of my throat and the burning hunger for the life sustinance of others in the pit of my stomach.

Back then, before I "died", my internal quarrels were about what I would not get to do. I was foolish to think such things. Who thinks them, after all, when they are on their death bed? Who _honestly_ thinks about that in their last moments?

Now, as I spend my non-life eternally seventeen, the battle I wage against myself is 'who will win'? The soulless monster that Carlisle, my adoptive vampire father, created or what traces of humanity that I had left? Will I break the vow that I made to Carlisle-- to not feed on humans and stick to a "vegetarian" diet of the animals in the forested areas we choose to live near? Will I one day, while living our day-to-day lives ad mock humans, attack one of those around me?

I can't be sure, but until that day arrives - _if_ it arrives - I will continue to wage war on the monster inside of me. The strongest challenges we face are more often than not found within ourselves. Because I know this, I am able to take what is thrown at me and understand that "it is not as hard as I think it is." After all, I have got all of eternity to get over that I can no longer do the things I had wanted to when I "died". I have slightly bigger problems to handle now.

_E. Cullen_

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_**A/N: **_So how was it? Did you like it? D: It's horrible. I know. Don't bug me 'bout it.


	2. Family Introductions

_**A/N:**_ So here's the next chapter, since it was already written. I'm keeping the chapters short, 'cause otherwise I'll never write them. I've got the third chapter written, it's just got to be found and typed up. ; I misplaced the book I wrote it in. No idea how long it'll be 'til I get it up, but fear not, it will be here. Eventually. I hope. Dx

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I suppose the next page in the tale of this Unhappy Ending is my family. To introduce them now will save time later.

Esme was the first to join Carlisle and I. I knew that Carlisle had changed her simply because he needed a companion from the beginning—a position that I obviously could not fill (nor did I want to). She was kind, motherly. I remember she worried about me often, once she had gotten past the newborn stage. At that point… well… no one has much else on their mind but the thirst. Esme was no exception. I've always loved Esme as a mother. I think a part of me was relieved when she filled that position because I had lost my mother figure before I was changed. I had been alone. Carlisle was enough for a while. He filled the father figure easily. But Esme… I missed my mother. She lost her child. We were both eager to fill the rolls that the other needed.

The next to join our family was Rosalie. I was skeptical at first. Carlisle had changed someone that would be noticed if seen in public. How could he have been so careless? It was later that I realized (with the help of being able to see into my adoptive father and mothers' minds) that he had changed her because he and Esme were worried for me. He hoped Rosalie would be to me what Esme was to him. But Rosalie, pigheaded and beautiful Rosalie, was never more than a sister. We bickered like siblings, we fought like siblings, and we loved like siblings—the former two being louder than the average human's.

I don't remember precisely how long Rosalie was with us before she brought Emmett home. I remember watching through her mind's eye the bear attacking her future lover. She'd seen the face of a child from her past and had been compelled to carry him over one hundred miles back to where we lived at the time. Back then I could only imagine what restraint and strength that it had taken for her to make that trek with a bleeding human in her arms. Even now I still admire her. She'd begged Carlisle to change him when she returned. Back then I'd resented her selfishness.

Emmett was one of my favorites. He provided for me something I had never had before—a brother figure. I had been an only child, so when Emmett came along, I was overjoyed, though I didn't often show it. He was stronger than I, so he tended to win our sparring matches—when he could catch me. I'd always been the fastest. He was loud, slightly obnoxious, and the perfect way to vent frustration. He was always willing to get into a good brawl.

Jasper and Alice came together. I'd been hunting when they showed up, but with my extraordinary power, I'd seen their arrival clear as if I was there in the memories of Carlisle and Esme. Alice had invited herself in and decided that she wanted my room (it was the biggest, of course). I remember finding all my things in the garage.

My other favorite, if you can't tell already, was Alice. She always brought a light to our lives like no other. She was always happy, always laughing. With her ability to _see_ and my ability to _hear_, our family was never in any danger from the threat of _others_.

I'd always appreciated Jasper as a brother, but his past has made it the most difficult for him and therefore, though we all loved him dearly, has caused a small rift between the rest of our family and him. He tends to… lean towards falling off the 'vegetarian' bandwagon more than the rest of us. I can't say I blamed him, but with his ability, the feeling tended to seep into the rest of us as well. He had to feed more often than the rest of us—I was never opposed to going with him. Slowly the rift has been closing.

And then Bella came along. Bella was, by far, my most favorite person in existence. When she first came into my life, she was like a hurricane, trying to destroy everything I had worked so hard to earn, flooding my senses, bent on making me have to start from scratch. Poor Bella… Innocent, unsuspecting Bella… She'd done all this and didn't even know she was doing it. I hated her for it. Who was she to walk into the life I'd built, so carefully living it under the radar of humans? In that first day in Biology alone I'd come up with so many ways to lure her away and take that precious life of hers. To drink from her, drain her body dry of its life sustenance.

I can still remember her scent from that first day. She'd walked past me to get to her seat and the breeze she'd caused nearly knocked me flat on my back. It was like hitting a brick wall at top speed in Alice's Porsche—an analogy that I can only use now that she has a Porsche. It was just that single movement that had made Lady Fate go, "Ding, her turn's up next!"

Even though I'd worked against Fate, staying away from Bella, protecting her, in the end it wasn't enough. In the end…

Ah, but enough of that for now. At this point in time, I have other tales to tell… just not right away.

_E. Cullen_

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	3. Replacement

_**A/N:**_So I found my little book where I'd written this. : Looking back on it, I don't really like how it turned out. I think it was too quick through a crucial part in Edward's past, but if I re-write it, I'll never get it up. If I get enough people asking for it or I get the inspiration for it, I'll write more on Edward's time away from Carlisle and Esme. 'Cause writing about Edward's rebellion and God complex in the 30's would be fun. :C

But as I say. If I re-write the chapter or write that part of the story right now, I'll never get to writing chapter 4. And come on... Rosalie's futile attempts to 333 Edward? That'll be amusing to write. -Nod.-

D: So yeah. Sorry it took so long to put up. As mentioned before, I couldn't find the little book I'd written it in. Clearly I found it.

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By the end of my first year, I hadn't even so much as looked at a human. Carlisle had been afraid to leave me alone when I told him that I didn't want to be part of the "outside" society during that year, so he took a break from his medical practice. I hated that I was taking away from what he wanted to do, but he reassured me (or tried to, anyway) that my own well-being was more important. I felt selfish for this, but said nothing. I'm certain that if I had he might have thought I was looking to get him out of the house so I could go "cheat" on our diet-- not that he would stop me if I wanted to. Of course, with my mind reading ability and seeing in his head why he didn't falter in his resolve to stay on a strict animal-only diet and just what I could become, there was no chance of me even thinking about it. Not until later. anyway.

But he couldn't read _my_ mind, so I could understand where his doubt might come from.

After that first year, my "father" believed that it would be best to start introducing me back into society. My eyes had changed from their deep crimson to a rich, almost metallic-looking butterscotch. (Gold, I thought. Or maybe topaz was closer?) Because they'd finally changed, there was no need to disguise them with contacts or sunglasses. For that, I was grateful.

Even still, though we had to wait for my first year to pass, it couldn't have been more difficult to be around humans. They all smelled so _good_.

_"Will I have your control some day?" I asked Carlisle one morning after he'd returned from the hospital he worked night shifts at._

_He smiled at me, that always warm, never judgmental smile. "Of course. With time."_

_"How _much _time...?" I'd wondered aloud._

_Carlisle chuckled. "I've experienced your impatience for over a year now. Were you always so as a human as well?"_

_I blinked. "Of course! And I assume your _endless_ patience comes from time as well?"_

_He smiled and his thoughts gave me confirmation._

As I look back, my impatience _was_ amusing. I remember being so _angry_ with Carlisle for just laughing at me. I'd been so childish. We _both_ laugh about it now. Or... used to. Back when I was still able to laugh.

My impatience was also somewhat justified, though. I wanted to be just like _him_-- to be able to just deal with the hand I'd been given and make a choice about it. A good choice. But if it took centuries to get like that, was it really worth it?

When Carlisle changed Esme, I retreated more, kept to myself. He needed her in ways that I could not, ah... "help" with. It would be a while yet before I accepted her as the mother Carlisle hoped she would be to me. After all, I was slowly forgetting my own mother, and anyone else taking Elizabeth Masen's place at that particular point in time was just completely unacceptable and out of the question all together.

But of course, once change starts there's nothing stopping it. When I recognized this, I grew furious. With myself, first of all, for beginning to accept and love Esme and for forgetting my own mother. I was angry with Esme, for thinking she had the right-- for having the _nerve_ --to replace my mother. And finally, with Carlisle, for changing her in the first place. For changing _me_.

It was at this point that I was also getting fed up with the "rules of the house" about diet. Carlisle must have noticed, or could at least tell what I was thinking by my expressions because he would occasionally pull me aside and with sad eyes tell me that it was my choice. I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay there if I made the choice to change my diet. I may have been angry with them, but I loved them and, obviously, didn't want to leave.

That's why it took so _many_ years to leave. I had to come to terms with the fact that I wouldn't be able to see them, to talk to them.

When I finally got up the nerve to leave, Esme met me at the door.

_"Do you really have to go?" her tone was excruciatingly devastated. It made it so much harder, because even as I'd been getting ready to leave, I was growing closer still to both of them._

_I shot her a dark look. I could see my reflection in her honey-colored eyes. My own were black as night; onyx. When I replied, I made sure my tone was cold. A quick, clipped response of: "Yes."_

_"I'll go," she said quickly as my hand touched the doorknob. "You stay. I'll go." Her thoughts were genuine. She really meant what she said._

_"Stupid woman," I hissed, more at the fact that she'd even offer such a thing-- but she didn't need to know that. I spun around to face her now, my darker than black eyes ablaze. "You think this is about you? Don't be so arrogant. I'm going because I _want_ to. I can't stand it here anymore." I shut my eyes so she couldn't see the lie in them with what I was going to say next. "I'm sick of it here. Sure, you're part of it, but I mean all of it. Of you, of Carlisle, of his damn _rules._ I don't want to hold back what I am anymore. What's the point?"_

I could have sworn I heard a muffled sob as I left, but I've never been certain. Vampires can't cry, after all, and I've never wanted to bring up that pain and hurt my "mother" again.

I'd been gone only a few years. Though I had tasted the sweetest blood I could ever have imagined at the time and I'd only hunted those I'd thought unworthy of life, I hated what I'd become.

It didn't take me nearly as long to come back home as it had to leave home. I knew I'd hurt Carlisle and Esme and I wanted to right things with them. But to postpone the inevitable (and wallow in my guilt just a little longer because, essentially, I am a selfish creature), I starved myself and hid away. It was only when I could no longer face myself that I finally returned. It surprised me-- or maybe it didn't; maybe I'd been away too long and had forgotten how Carlisle and Esme were --but they opened their door and welcomed me back with open arms. They'd forgiven me, even when I didn't deserve it.

That night, Carlisle and I had an extensive conversation where I told him about the places I'd gone to, what I'd seen. What I'd done. He was disappointed, of course. His thoughts couldn't hide that, as much as he tried. But he was glad I was back.

Esme was glad, too. I hadn't realized it when I left, but for her it was like losing another child. As I embraced her, I tried to will how very sorry I was into her through the contact and vowed that I would never hurt her like that again. Many, many years later I would break that promise.

That, however, is another story for another time.

_E. Cullen_

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_**A/N: **_You totally agree, right? It was too... speedy? I'onno. It's something about this one that I don't like. Maybe I tried to cram too much into one chapter. I should have written Esme seperate from Edward's leaving. I'unno. Judgment is up to you. : Hope you liked it.


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